Discovering that your partner is cheating may be one of the most devastating experiences in life; however, no matter how badly you are hurting, you should not allow the situation to destroy your emotional well-being. There is life after a horrible breakup. Deciding to move on may be one of the hardest decisions to make, especially if you have invested heavily in the relationship and worked hard at it. However, to move on, though undesirable (and even more so if you were building a lasting relationship) may be best.
It not only helps you to build a better relationship in the future but also allows you to detect any red flags for future endeavors. The best thing to do is to stop crying over the proverbial spilt milk and get your groove back. To help you through this hard, but necessary journey, here are some tips that may make the whole process a bit easier; so much so that when you look back there are no regrets.
Don’t see it as an Injustice
It is not right that your partner cheated on you, and yes, it’s not fair that he or she has moved on without you; but if you are looking forward to forgetting about the heartbreak and moving on with your life, it is important that you stop seeing your ex’s cheating as an injustice.
Borrowing from the words of Tracy Schorn, author of the book Leave a Cheater, “Do not go down the rabbit hole.” As an individual, you are in control of your life—do not allow others to dictate how it will turn out. The focus should be on how you will turn your life back on, rediscovering yourself and leading a cheater-free life.
Acceptance will play a great role in helping you move on and avoid seeing the whole situation as an injustice. We need to accept that it is over and try to live without the person who has hurt us. Your relationship may have gone deep, but there is no point hanging on and thinking things will change. They are not coming back and even if they did, things will never be the same.
Everything has changed, and the trust is gone. If he or she was cheating on you, it is highly likely that your needs were not a priority and were obviously not being met. Accept that it is over and move on, so that you can one day look back and say, “That was the best decision I ever made.”
Getting over it should also not involve hating your ex or the other person they chose above you. Focus instead on your life and the things that you need to change. You will be so busy with your new way of living that you may not even grieve for long. Remember, time is a healer (as cliché as that sounds), and need I say that it’s also precious.
So, spend it well by focusing on the positive things. Hate, regrets, and grief may only drive you into depression, a dangerous place to go.
Life Goes On
Acceptance will not be achieved unless you start refocusing on your life. Do not look back, do not blame yourself—love yourself. Your ex may blame you, but do not allow them to control you. You gave it your all, and they did not appreciate you. Take it as lessons learnt in life, and now you are wiser for it.
Go out, meet other people! Do not allow yourself to feel lonely because this may lead to a deadly rebound. Also, don’t get into a new relationship to “get revenge” or because you feel desperate. Start off with something new by first getting to know the other person better. Don’t judge them, and whatever you do, don’t look for your ex in them or compare them to him or her.
Moving on is difficult, but it will lead to something so much better. Keep on looking, and one day, you will find the person who gives you the joy you deserve.