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01 January, 2021

How to know if he/she is right for you

“I think I have found love!” With most people abhorring the notion of wasting time with the wrong person, it makes sense in wanting to know whether the relationship will work. No one looking for a long term or a serious relationship would want to continue only to discover when it is too late that they are with the wrong person. Even for those who are starting out, knowing whether you are with the right person gives encouragement and confidence to move on. This article is meant to help you know whether you are on the right track with the right person. If you do not want to waste time with someone who’s wrong for you, read through and you will gain insight that can help move your relationships forward with the person who is right for you.

Finding a partner online is easy, but building a long-term and strong relationship is where complications may crop up. While we are presented with many options, if we become too picky, we may end up missing the best chance of getting the right person. Discovering whether the person whom you have met is right for you might be the only thing that can save you from missing the opportunity or ending up with a person who will disappoint you in the end. One of the tests to know whether you are on the right path is the bar test.

Bar test

If your partner passes the “bar test”, this is a great indication that you are headed in the right direction. Coined in by Erika Ettin, a dating coach, the “bar test” is a simple way where one can work out whether the heart is really into the relationship or not. Although it is simple, it has been referred to as the best way to know whether you are with the right partner. To use it, you need to be in a bar, restaurant, or any public meeting place. Ask yourself these questions. Are your eyes moving from one table or from place to place to see who else might be in the room or who might see you with your partner? Are you content with your companion and confident enough to want everyone in the space to notice you with him or her?

If you are content, confident, and want everyone to notice you while in the company of your new partner, he or she has passed the test and he or she may be the right person for you. If the former is true, you need to gauge whether you are headed in the right direction and whether you have made the right decision or better still, look for ways to like the partner and make the relationship work. The test works for the other person too; if your date is not at ease while you are out in the bar, restaurant, or any other public place, and he or she keeps looking around, chances are that they are assessing their options, a clear sign that they‘re not into you and perhaps you should keep your options open too.

Attitude towards you

The bar test may not give all the indications; it should be used along with other situations if you are to get the whole picture. The time you spend in the bar, restaurant, or any other public place may not be adequate to gauge it all, therefore you need to combine it with other strategies. One of them is the attitude your partner has towards you. Is he or she embarrassed when around you; is there anything that is holding them back. Perhaps, they feel that you are not too good for them, but don’t want to show it as they may not want to end things abruptly.

While this may be a good pointer that they care about your feelings, it may be an indication that you need to take things slowly and even end the relationship, as it may not materialize. Does he or she introduce you to friends and family? If so, how do they introduce you? The answers to these questions will indicate how your partner views you. If you are an important person in their lives, they will not hesitate to introduce you to their friends and family. He or she will do it enthusiastically and confidently, and their choice of words will reflect that.

If they are using words that clearly show their family and friends that you are important to them, you are in the right place. Your partner values you and would like everybody to know what you mean to them. It may not happen immediately as they may be weighing things, but if you are one month down the line and he or she has not introduced you to any friend or family member, this is a warning sign and you need to take things slowly or call things off completely.

Treatment of others

How does your partner treat others, such as their parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, and waiters? Does he treat them with respect and kindness? If he or she does, chances are they will treat you the same. Having a partner who does not respect family and friends, may point to trouble. He or She may not show it now, but eventually, you will be on the receiving end, so look out on the red signals and take action before it’s too late. If, on the other hand, you are dating a person who does not hurl insults at waiters, treats family members with respect, and holds all other factors constant, chances are high that you are in the right place.

Feeling secure

Do you feel comfortable around your partner? This involves feeling that you have a sense of security, and knowing that they cannot hurt you physically or emotionally. It also involves a feeling that when threatened by an external threat, they will be there to offer protection. Being with someone who scares you, a person who may attack you physically or emotionally can be exhausting. However, experts warn that feeling secure in a relationship too early may hide a lot of signs, so we should be vigilant. It is okay to feel insecure at least in the first few days as you may not have known the person well enough to build confidence. However, if you feel insecure or are afraid that he or she may hurt you emotionally or physically, do not just dismiss it as a normal feeling; trust your gut, be vigilant and soon you will know whether that person is the right one for you.

Willingness to work in a relationship

Experts point out that there is a natural flow to relationships, and emotional connection plays a big role. While constant disagreements or situations where you do not see eye-to-eye on some issues may point out to a disjointed relationship, experts say that it is natural to disagree or differ on some issues, in fact, this is considered healthy. You may even fight and hurt each other, but the difference comes in on the trajectory taken to resolve the issues. If you find that your significant other or partner is interested in resolving issues and making the relationship work, you are dating the right person. Work on that relationship, and create a free environment where sharing is possible without fear of hurting each other.

With this, you will get to know your partner better and also work on areas that need to be addressed. A relationship is a two-way road, where partners meet halfway, and where compromises and understanding are great ingredients in making it work. Take heed to warning signs when your partner is unwilling to make the relationship work. It should not be for only one partner to make things work; both have to play a role. Doing it any other way means you are not on an equal platform and things need to be worked out or simply calling it quits if the other party does not play his or her part.

Make you a better person

If you are dating a person who wants to see you be a better person in all aspects, then you have found the right person. The right person wants to see you succeed; he or she will be your cheerleader, praising, and congratulating you when you accomplish your goals. Also, he or she will respectfully tell you when you are wrong or are headed in the wrong direction. This is a kind of person whose intention is not to change you to fit into their space, but rather a companion who is there to encourage as well as challenge you. This is a person whose actions will make you happier, creative, and more focused; they will give you positive energy that makes life bearable and joyous and ultimately bring out the best in you.

Experts say that at the heart of true love, there is a strong and deep-rooted friendship. Being attracted to a person and the chemistry which you create is an important aspect for the beginning of any romantic relationship. This is what brings the two of you together and what is important to get the relationship off the ground. However, it should not be the main thing as at some point the physical attraction and chemistry may wear off. What will keep you going is the friendship; therefore all efforts should be geared towards making it strong if all the parties are interested in building a healthy, strong, and successful relationship.

The question that may be lingering in your mind is; how do you know if you have a best friend? It may not be simple for all to decipher, but some things may point you in that direction. If you want to spend all your time with that person and they make everything pleasant and enjoyable, there are chances that you have a best friend with you. You are also warned that some people might fake it, and you mistakenly open your heart for them, thinking they are your best friend. Relationship experts observe that when somebody is in a relationship with a person whom they consider a best friend, they are more satisfied in life. They make situations enjoyable, and one always likes spending time with them. So if you have a partner who is also your best friend, this is the right person.

These points are simply guidelines; they should not be taken as steadfast rules for selecting the right person. Love life would be much easier if they were such rules, but unfortunately, that is not the case. However, these points and questions can give you a head start if you are getting into a serious and long-term relationship. They will help you understand yourself better and move your love life in the right direction. Asking these questions or pondering through the points before you get into a relationship and even during and after, can help you make the right decision. Although it is okay to make mistakes and learn from them, sometimes it can be costly. Therefore, do not be afraid to ask the right questions, be on the lookout and you will get the person you deserve, the right partner to share your life with.